I know this title is a bit deceptive however I have no intention to debate evolution vs. creation. It’s been a long time sense I actually blogged, I’m not sure if blogging is always the best idea as it tends to put more of my random thoughts on page for the world to see and judge. I suppose with this first blog I wanted to set up a few guidelines for those who decide to read, please judge me, but remember that in judging look into the mirror. Also please keep all comments not in person but rather online and in the post as I would rather not entertain face to face confrontations. I’m blogging to vent my thoughts, also as a way of processing my life’s current situations. With that being said I can promise that I won’t attack or use real names in my blogs other then my wife and my daughter or with permission of the person. Lastly I hope you enjoy reading my blogs as I intend to post on a weekly basis, and I would love to read all of your comments. Thanks and Enjoy!
As titled ‘The Beginning of Life’ I wanted to update people on my new life as a father and my relationship with my wife. I hope that this portion of the blog will be more entertaining than anything else. As many of you know or should know I’m a brand new father and I love a majority of it. I know you are wondering why just a majority? Stay tuned! However I can say that being the Father is the easiest part I couldn’t imagine or know if I could handle as much as my wife Brittany has to do on a daily basis and numerous times throughout the day. However, I’m sure if she wanted to blog she would tell you all the frustrations and joys it is to be a Mom. Anyway, our daughter’s name is Hailey Elise Smith she was born on May 14, 2010 which makes her about 3 month of age. Hailey is honestly a cute baby. I’m one of those annoying honest people (sorry) sometimes when I see a baby I think ‘yikes, that’s not so cute.’ The hardest period with Hailey was the first month, people warn you and tell you that you will lose sleep and yes I was prepared for that, but not enough. However after the first month we established a pretty good routine and I think our bodies adjusted to the lack of sleep. I think the number one thing that I’m learning about myself in all of this is that I do have more of an emotional connection to Hailey then I thought I would. I can remember one of the first times we couldn’t figure out why Hailey was crying we did our checklist of she has been fed, diaper is clean, not to hot/cold but yet she was just crying away. So Brittany decided to put her in her crib and let her cry. We read somewhere that we should do this for about five minutes then go back in and try to calm her down then repeat until she wears herself out and falls asleep. I wasn’t even able to go five minutes before I wanted to go and get her. Some of the challenging moments are when she is crying only because we are sitting down with her, as soon as we stand up then she calms back down. Another frustrating moment is at 3am when she decides that she is hungry and so Brittany goes to feed her and she has blown out of her diaper and now there is a much bigger mess to clean, instead of a quick thirty minute feed it turns into about an hour to get her cleaned and fed and then back to bed. However when Hailey smiles it takes all of those frustrating experiences and makes it worth it.
The second part of this blog titled ‘You make all things good for those who love You’ is actually a lyric from a song my wife wrote while she was in college. This song however continually gets stuck in my mind when we are experiencing a stormy season in our life. I feel as if we have settled in a lifestyle of complacency, which I would tend to say that living in complacency is a bad thing. I often view my relationship with God much like David in the Old Testament, so please remember that we all are different. I find myself praying much like David did when he says
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent. Ps 22a
If you truly believe in the ‘footprints in the sand’ it’s so easy to remember the end of that story but so easy to forget that it is us who feel that we are walking alone. I figure that much like David in Psalms I treat my relationship with God similar. In times of happiness praises are on my lips, but in times of frustration and a season of stormy weather, my God, my God why are you forsaken me?! So are we living a life of complacency? Have we settled for something that wasn’t what God had planned for us? We truly do not know, so in this season of trying to understand the voice of God it feels as if I am saying ‘my God, my God. . . ‘Now with all that being said in all of my frustration my wife’s song lyric still pounds at my mind, You make all things good, for those who love You. It’s important to note that in all of David’s frustration that his relationship with God isn’t on the rocks, but David is simply expresses a true person’s heart with a real God. As many of you know I’m a extremely logical person, I like to see step A and B and C before I begin with step A. I believe this is the way God has created me and such I tend to believe that God knows this is the way I am so to expect me to just jump off a cliff in the spirit of ‘faithfulness’ isn’t something that I would do. One of my favorite ways to describe me and my relationship with Christ is with this analogy:
If I’m standing at a cliff and I can choose to jump off, I will turn to God and say ‘so you want me to jump?’ I would look back towards the cliff and then again look back at God and say ‘you sure?’ glancing down the massive cliff and then looking back at God saying’ you’re gonna catch me right?!’ . . . okay then here I go. . . now on the other end of things someone who isn’t designed like me would say ‘hey look a cliff,’ jumping down off the cliff, midway down looking up at God saying ‘ this is what you wanted me to do right?’
I wouldn’t say that either one is better than the other, but I would say that both people in this analogy bring very important and different things to the table and both should be considered. So in my stormy season, is the reason why I feel a lack of response from God because I’m too busy trying to get reconfirmation for what he’s already said? What if I still don’t quite understand what God is saying? Do I just take that leap of faith? I often find that worship songs bring me into a state of hope into a state of rest, but between my wife’s song reminding me that ‘He will make all things good for those who Love Him,’ the song calling me to ‘lay aside the worried of my day, to quite down my busy mind, and find a hiding place’ and the song ‘I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand lay back against you and breath feel your heart beat, this love is do deep, it’s more then I can stand, I melt in your peace it’s overwhelming. . . the more I seek you the more I find you, the more I find you the more I love you. All of these songs that constantly banter back and forth in my mind call me into a state of peace a state of trust which is hard for me because I am a logical A+B=C type person. So experiencing this peace in these unsettled times, being at peace knowing that He is the creator in step A and B and C and that in this time I may need to be in the dark in order for His plans to come into fruition. I look at myself and wonder how can I be at peace? With the lack of tangible responses from God, it can only be God that allows this peace within me.
I guess this would be a good time to add some more commentary about my blog and the future of my blogs. I don’t think they will always be this long. Also please DO NOT judge my lack of grammar in my blogs as I’m typing as I’m thinking. My blogs truly are me being 100% open, I hope that people can get a good laugh, or somehow my deeper blogs evoke a response in your own life. As always thanks for reading!
Jordan-
